Friday 8 February 2013

So, I got this letter, like.




From the membership secretary of the Institute of Outdoor Bloggers. Apparently my CPD wasn’t up to date. Oh dear. Apparently I had more than enough points in the “Puerile Whimsy”  and “Cheap Music” categories, but was falling behind on “Proper, Serious Gear Reviews” and “Actually Climbing Some Hills”. I immediately ‘phoned up and claimed the usual exemption on grounds of insanity, diplomatic immunity and Human Rights.However, the committee has recently been taken over by the hardliners ( you know who they are !) and apparently everyone, even those living in ROYAL Berkshire is now required to climb the occasional hill in order to keep up their membership. This was bad news.Bad news indeed. And so it was, with a heavy heart and rucksack, I set off for Alva, from whence, i was led to believe, some hills could be accessed. I will not detain you, dear reader, with the walk-in up Alva Glen, traversing to Silver Glen and up the zig-zags past the Breakfast Boulder.




We pick up the story at The Gate at the sheep-pens. From here I could have popped up The Nebit in about 20 minutes, but that would not have produced sufficient points ( and I did it a few weeks ago).



Nope, I needed a proper hill – one that’s at least 2000 tootsies…… so over the road and up into the snow.









The Nebit looks pretty insignificant from up here.









And here we are – summit of Ben Ever. It’s a Donald and a Nouvel Donald and all that technical baggery stuff.Now, I’ve been here before. Several times. In fact one of my earliest blog posts in October 2010 featured ths little beauty.So if any Donald bagger out there who needs Ben Ever to “compleat”, and has, say, two Windy Gyles, and is prepared to swop………













So,that’s that sorted. If I Photoshop some of the pictures that I submit to IOOB, I can claim the extra points for an “Ascent in full Winter conditions” . Bonus.


And what about the stats ? Well I’m not going to indulge in the vulgar competitive miles/height/time stuff. If God had meant man to walk uphill faster than 1.5 MPH then he wouldn’t have given him short fat hairy legs. But try this. Round about the time I did this in October 2010, my resting blood pressure would have been about 147/100 and my resting pulse rate 92. As I sit here just now, it’s more like 117/65 and 62. This, I believe, is a “Good Thing”


And I met some nice people who chatted about the hills and the weather and seemed to be enjoying themselves. One bloke even allowed me to try his Micropikes.

I might even be tempted to do this hill climbing thing again.



I once spent a couple of nights drinking with that pair (and Charlie Watts).And you wonder why I struggle to get up wee hills. FFS


  1. Eight minutes of pure joy, there.
    I'm going to have to listen to it again.

    Good news on the vital stats front, btw. I'll send the invoice to renew your subscription to the IOB, as it looks like you'll be around for some considerable time.

    You can make out the cheque to "Royal Berks Bloggers." If I don't get to cash it, the hospital can.

    I spent some "quality time" with Mr Watts and others at Buddy Guy's place in Chicago about ten years or so ago...

    1. The cheque is in the post.
      Don't be fooled by the lies, damned lies or the statistics - large chunks of me remain totally fooked.
      I think Charlie and I retired hurt, JB seems to be doing well on his second liver, but Rory, sadly, didn't make it.It's not all beer and skittles, is it ?

  2. Great stuff, both on the “Cheap Music” front and in terms of “Actually Climbing Some Hills”. I take it that this was one of your better days. Impressive stats. Here's to more hill days - and more puerile whimsy! (Not many blogs make me laugh, with or without Actual Hill Climbing).

    1. Watch out for New, Improved One Small Step - Now With Added Hill Climbing !( may contain a small percentage of equine material)

  3. Urgghh - what's all that horrible white stuff on the hills? Some kind of pollution, probably. We don't allow that sort of thing down here in Englandshire. I wouldn't put up with it. Find out who to write to.... Just a tip.

    Disgusted of Crook

    1. Dear Disgusting Old Crook (your handwriting wasn't very clear)
      It's called snow. You probably no longer get it in The Land of The Prince Bishops because of yon Globular Warming.
      Up here, of course, the Government has had the foresight to install loads of these giant cooling fans on all the hills to keep us nice and chilly.

  4. You'd get more points if you photo-shopped in some Swans.
    may contain a small percentage of equine material
    is that £5 each way on the Burger or reference to the Knackers Yard ?
    Seal your seams with Oldmortality glue !"

    1. Good to see that you're out of intensive care after that haircut.
      Have a few bottles of that Old Sheepshagger 7.8 or whatever it is you drink, and then stare at the pics again - you'll see plenty of swans.